Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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