hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
