found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
