i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
