This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize