it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
