I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
