but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
