I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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