Jerry, you need to find god
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
