Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
