Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
