Do you still have your period?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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