I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
