I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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