i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
