dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize