things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
