now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
