1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is the high leading the old right now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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