he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
