cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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