we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
