This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
