Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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