Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
