there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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