soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
