Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize