Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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