I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
