My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
