We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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