brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
