That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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