worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
