Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
