In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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