i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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