Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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