after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
