Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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