Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize