omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
