I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
