there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
