I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
