She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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