I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
