If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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