i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
