Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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