a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
