I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize