3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
