my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize