i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
