Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
