Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
