i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
