I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
These tits shall not be calmed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
