If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize