all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
