I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk is not a location!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
