Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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