Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
