i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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