What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
