i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
