There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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