Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
