so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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