I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
