ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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