Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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