you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
