So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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