I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
