this just has baby written all over it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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