The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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