I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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