It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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