Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
