I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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