dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize