She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
