it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
